Letter to Society (What is it to be a 'man' and a 'woman' ?)

Dear Society,

My last letter to you was like the rant of a child. I was filled with much angst and didn’t know what to say, where to start from, or how to put it forth. This time around, I thought to myself that there has to be some point from where we could take our conversation forward. So, I went back to my first letter to you—to pick up the threads for this one.

That brought me to the central theme for this letter: What does it mean to be a ‘man’ and a ‘woman’?

In prehistoric early hunter-gatherer societies, we had a more flexible division of labour based on skills and ability rather than strict gender lines. Hunting might have been done more frequently by men because of their upper body strength, but a 2020 study reveals that 30–40% of women’s burials contained hunting tools. In fact, women were central to food security and not secondary to men. Roles were based on skill, age, and capacity—not rigid gender boundaries.

It was an egalitarian society where status was not passed through inheritance. In such times, gender roles were more fluid, complementary, and context-dependent than we’re often led to believe. The rigid, male-dominated system came much later—not as a natural or original condition, but as a constructed one.

How did that happen?

Agriculture happened.

This brought along a more settled lifestyle and, potentially, gender-defined roles. Sedentary life, land ownership, and surplus changed everything. This led to a division of labour—men worked the fields, women stayed “home.” Men’s lineage became important, leading to control over women’s sexuality and choices. Religions and early states reinforced male authority, eventually institutionalizing patriarchy. Gender became a more significant factor in social organization and inheritance.

In one archaeological study, graves from that era show men’s graves with weapons as gifts and women’s graves with household items. Gender roles became more pronounced with the rise of cities—often more unequal. Men dominated public life, while women’s roles were increasingly centered around the household and childcare.

Gender roles have been evolving ever since.

It’s interesting to note that the word ‘man’ comes from the Proto-Germanic word mann-, which originally meant person or human being, encompassing both male and female. The word ‘woman’ evolved from the Old English wifman—‘wif’ meaning woman or female.

How did a word that was gender-neutral get assigned to only one half of the human species? Even today, when referring to humanity as a collective, we use the word ‘man’. What happened to the representation of females? If both man and woman together represent humanity, why does only one still stand as the default?

I believe this association of ‘man’ with male reinforced the social tendency to view men and male experiences as the norm—or more important. Words shape and reflect thought, while also subtly influencing perception of roles, capabilities, responsibilities, and importance.

I do find words to be quite confusing and misleading, if you ask me personally. They are ever-evolving with time, just as you are, Society. Through the lens of language, ‘woman’ became a more specific, marked, and diverted category—while ‘man’ continued carrying a sense of being the standard. Language contributed to the historical shift from gender-neutral to gender-specific, which further cemented predefined roles.

The shift from nomadic hunter-gatherer lifestyles to settled agriculture played a crucial role in solidifying gender-biased roles. The association of men with heavier agricultural labour likely contributed to the perception of men as primary providers. Women’s roles became more focused on tasks within the household and immediate surroundings—tasks that weren’t considered as economically productive as field labour.

I understand that the concepts of what it means to be a ‘man’ or a ‘woman’ in society are complex weaves—woven together by culture, history, and social constructs. These roles are not fixed and have evolved significantly over time, continuing to vary across different cultures and communities.

Under traditional and evolving perspectives, expectations of men have revolved around being a provider, a protector, a leader—being tough, independent, suppressing emotions, and placing value on physical strength and endurance. These expectations are increasingly being challenged and redefined in modern society.

Traditionally, societal expectations for women have revolved around being the primary caregiver of the family, managing the household, and focusing more on domestic duties. They’ve been expected to be emotionally giving, empathetic, submissive, and to adhere to standards of behavior and modesty.

Being a man or a woman in society is a multifaceted experience, shaped by a complex interplay of tradition and modernity. Despite progress and evolving perspectives on gender roles, significant gender bias toward women persists in India and globally. While societal expectations are shifting, deeply ingrained patriarchal norms and structures continue to create inequalities and disadvantages for women in various aspects of life.

Why?

So I ask you, Society—if these roles were once more fluid, more human, more balanced…

Why do we still hold on so tightly to structures that no longer serve us?

What would it take for us to unlearn what was constructed, and return—not backwards, but inwards—to something more whole?

You taught us these roles, Society—then punished us for outgrowing them.But the truth is: your definitions are not destiny.We were never meant to be boxed in.We remember the time before the fences.

And whether you’re ready or not—we’re finding our way back. Love, Afrah